Opposites Part I

This page is about healing. An undoing if you will of the false self, the monster created. Moving from defective and broken to individuation and autonomy . Reconciling opposition within yourself. Release from the compulsion of self harm called alcoholism/addiction.

Being set free. Feeling safe and in control.

I was in AA for over 20 years. Eventually my son Michael also came into the program.

On September 16, 2016 I found my 23 year old son Michael dead on the couch. He died not from addiction, but from the cure. I’ll write more about that at a later date. Wonderful people in and out of the program helped me after Michael died. I will always be grateful to the kindness they showed me and consider them special people. They are one of the reasons I am writing this.

I trusted and held on to the connection I had with my son for dear life. It would be over two years until I would recognize the connection I had with my son Michael as Love because it was not the “Love” I was accustomed to. I knew that this connection, was the truest thing in my life. The only thing I had ever really believed or trusted in my whole fucking life was the connection I had with my son. Thinking of Michael, our shared times and experiences and the strength of our connection is what sustained me through my darkest hours.

I started to have new thoughts about Value, began looking at myself in a different light. The light that is the Love that I shared with my son. This in effect became a new lens from which I started to view things. I knew that my son had valued me as I did him, why did I not value myself? How do you treat something you value? These questions and their answer have become my lodestar. This Love, became a lens of truth. Effectually flipping a switch and seeing myself, my life and what I thought about myself and who I was in a completely New Light.

On July 7, 2018 almost two years after Michael’s death I was to have an amazing experience, a Connection and a Light, one word spoken”Opposites” which was to change everything.

(To Be Continued)

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