For as long as I can remember, I couldn’t see the light.
Not in myself.
Not in anyone else.
Without it, I couldn’t trust.
Not my instincts.
Not my mind.
Not the people around me.
At some point, my mind had already fled.
Split off in self-preservation,
When my body encountered a truth it couldn’t bear.
The friend who was also a foe.
The fear that came wrapped in love.
In the terror of a child with nowhere to go,
I tumbled into a long, dark tunnel
And stayed there
For years.
Until something shattered.
Something violent and holy.
An earth-rattling explosion that exposed the Truth,
Not by its presence,
But by its long, aching absence.
Shattered
This wasn’t a bottom.
This was beyond bottom.
Beyond anything AA or therapy ever prepared me for.
The only light and meaning I had ever known.
Snuffed out in an instant,
When I found my 23-year-old son, Michael,
Dead on the couch.
There are no words for that moment.
Only silence.
Only breakage.
Finding What Was Always There
This is the story of how I came to see what had always been there.
The unknowable Truth I once couldn’t recognize.
The light I only understood after it was gone.
What followed wasn’t healing.
It was devastation.
It was revelation.
An out-of-body experience.
A moment of undeniable clarity.
A voice that echoed the same message Bill Wilson heard in 1956
One that shattered everything I had ever been told.
And somehow,
It led me back through the darkest tunnels of my mind.
Not to escape them,
But to unlock them.
And finally,
To be free.
Thank You for Walking This with Me
I hope my story gives you something real .
A reason to trust your own path.
To believe in the light,
Even if you can’t see it yet.
Especially if you can’t.
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